I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
