Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
