Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
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