She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
