look no pants
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
