I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
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i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize