I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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