He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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