Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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