Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
