I queefed so loud it echoed.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
