after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
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his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
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Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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