So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
