You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
