i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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