she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
