I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
