Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
