I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
