It's a beautiful day for a hangover
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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