Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
