I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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