The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
