Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
