Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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