just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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