Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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