So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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