Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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