My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
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