Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
