Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
