my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Girls should come with a carfax report
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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