what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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