there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
