i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
