Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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