he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
