Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
