Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize