I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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