i think i have two assholes
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
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I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
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There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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