I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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