My friends, they love my intelligence
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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