mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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