woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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