There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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