I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
