Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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