Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize
