Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
