so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
