then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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