oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
My dick has a subreddit
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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