Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
