Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
