ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
