So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
