Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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