I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
