i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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