So drunk, too bad you don't want this
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
