i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
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