I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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