wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I'm always down for nudity.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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