Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
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