at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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