Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I didn't notice because vodka
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
