This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
