headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
