paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
this will be a night to untag.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
