I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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