drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Randomize
