wrigley field is MILF paradise
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Randomize
