): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
