sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
