Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
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